Tired

 Isaac, Nico’s father (Nico is my son) has never spent a day with Nico. He has never taken care of him in the morning. The longest he has taken care of him was 3 hours when I had a medical appointment. He has never given Nico a toy, not even for his birthday or Christmas. He has never gotten me anything for my birthday or Christmas either. Not a card or even a note that says “Happy Birthday.” I have given him a lot. Isaac did not work while I was pregnant or for 2 1/2 years after Nico was born. I was financially responsible for everything. It was not like there were no jobs available or something like that. Isaac is lazy. The laziest person I have ever known. He did not look for a job or clean the house or help me with Nico. He played video games and gained about 100 pounds. He is fat now and has always smelled very bad. He rarely brushes his teeth or flosses and there is always a layer of yellow plaque in his mouth. He got a job 4 months ago as a dishwasher and takes showers after work. Before this, he only bathed about once every two months. How I was ever attracted to him is a mystery even to myself. For the last 2 years I have not felt anything for him. No love. No attraction. Absolutely nothing. I guess I have tried to get along with him because he is my son’s father. There were times when I tried to make a relationship work, but things keep getting worse between us. He is always angry at me. He blames me for everything. He calls me names like “stupid” and “idiot.” This behavior makes me feel more and more distant from him. I cannot even tolerate being in the same room with him. He disgusts me. When he tries to touch me I recoil away like a person would if a roach touched them. Sometimes I daydream that he is dead. Oh, it is the most pleasing fantasy to imagine him gone. To not have to deal with him at all. He is not only gross and fat but, he farts and burps incessantly. He never picks up after himself and leaves huge messes around the house. He has only done the dishes twice since I have lived with him. He has only changed Nico’s diapers 5 times. He is unappreciative and spoiled by his mother. She has enabled him to be lazy by telling him he does not have to work. She tells him to rely on me financially. Katie will take care of it. Because of this attitude from his mother and from him, I am overwhelmed and tired.